So yeah... life right now is pretty suckish... =(
I HATE MY PERSONALITY!!! ='(
I SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK at making friends! And PLUS everyone at youth group seems to think I don't mind watching them invite people to go do something briefly and not me with them, its like they are maliciously doing it just to make me cry and hate them.
Everytime I say something like "Hi" they usually just walk off or something or not really say anything else... not to mention I don't know what else to say so that doesn't help.
I TRY to make friends but nothing works... they all look at me weird except for Abby, Caprice, and Mistea.... maybe not Mistea but I never talk to any of them.
But I'm seriously fed up with all this crap...
None of them but the people I just said seem to want to treat me like everyone else, they don't ever say anything to me and when I say something to them they look at me and then don't say anything but "hi" back or something. And then go back to their conversation... its like they hate me or something.
I know Sarah does because first she gets all angry at me because I commented on something on facebook, and then I caught her texting someone saying that I was there at the lock-in at our church with the youth group, and then she removes me from her friends list on facebook.
Youth group is a suckish, painful, and depressing place for me now. I seriously am considering not going back to that place ever again... none of those people seem to even like me. Or even notice me for that matter...
I've really honestly given up on making friends a long time ago since no one even cares that I exist anyways except for adults... but thats adults. The ones with out hormonal imbalances...
I want to move to Minnesota where I'll actually have someone that likes me, but alas I am stuck in the depressing waistland of Humboldt where all the teenagers are a bunch of jerks who ignore the shy little ones...
How bad all of this has been effecting me; I have given up on making any sort of friends from here on out, I highly even doubt I'll have friends or even meet anyone when I'm adult... so yeah... life is depressing and useless.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm not in heaven right now, no I'm not going to kill myself.
But I just don't get if God loves us, why make us go through all of this? AHHHH!!!!! ='(
Writer, crazy horse girl, artist, musician, stage actress, sister, daughter, and follower of Jesus Christ... Passion and love are my everything
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
My Secret Life: Wedding Bells are ringing! =D
Well, my youth counselor and 4th oldest child in the Hammond family Briana Elizabeth Hammond got married today. =D I'm still geeking out about it! =) It was so adorable watching her and her (now) newly husband Matt get married....
Oh wait, I should say Briana Elizabeth Mullaney now. ;)
Its funny thinking of her as "Mrs. Mullaney." lol. Until now I never really thought of her as that grown up but I guess she is lol. It's so cool seeing someone I know get married with how old I am now =D! Now I wonder when Abby will get married... hmmm... ;) lol
It was an amazing and cute wedding though, it wasn't really fancy and it didn't seem to really be that expensive at all actually. There were decorations, but it wasn't one of those upscale weddings with 10 thousand+ dollars worth in expenses.
Everyone was just so happy and laughing constantly, I really think that's what makes a great occasion. =) Your family and friends surrounding you on a day like that, it makes me look forward to meeting "Mr. Unknown" much more. =D
I got a lot of videos and I plan on making a little video out of all of them, what was really funny is Bri's older sister Kalea's boyfriend Chaz, he caught the garder haha. ^_^
I think Briana's wedding was all that she hoped for from the look on her face, and then maybe some more... =)
Now I wanna write more wedding scenes even more in my books, X)!
Well... I think I'll stop now, I'm kinda tired. And I wasn't even a part of the "wedding group" effectively lol. I can't imagine how exhausted the Hammond fam must be... =P Including Bri and Matt too!! More Bri than Matt though I imagine haha. Dad said that weddings are usually all the bride rarely the groom doing anything, I think it was, because the arch was pink with sunflowers on it *giggles*.
Well, I'll ttyl! =D
-Jazz
Oh wait, I should say Briana Elizabeth Mullaney now. ;)
Its funny thinking of her as "Mrs. Mullaney." lol. Until now I never really thought of her as that grown up but I guess she is lol. It's so cool seeing someone I know get married with how old I am now =D! Now I wonder when Abby will get married... hmmm... ;) lol
It was an amazing and cute wedding though, it wasn't really fancy and it didn't seem to really be that expensive at all actually. There were decorations, but it wasn't one of those upscale weddings with 10 thousand+ dollars worth in expenses.
Everyone was just so happy and laughing constantly, I really think that's what makes a great occasion. =) Your family and friends surrounding you on a day like that, it makes me look forward to meeting "Mr. Unknown" much more. =D
I got a lot of videos and I plan on making a little video out of all of them, what was really funny is Bri's older sister Kalea's boyfriend Chaz, he caught the garder haha. ^_^
I think Briana's wedding was all that she hoped for from the look on her face, and then maybe some more... =)
Now I wanna write more wedding scenes even more in my books, X)!
Well... I think I'll stop now, I'm kinda tired. And I wasn't even a part of the "wedding group" effectively lol. I can't imagine how exhausted the Hammond fam must be... =P Including Bri and Matt too!! More Bri than Matt though I imagine haha. Dad said that weddings are usually all the bride rarely the groom doing anything, I think it was, because the arch was pink with sunflowers on it *giggles*.
Well, I'll ttyl! =D
-Jazz
Monday, May 10, 2010
My Secret Life: Fourteen...
Well, as of yesterday at 3AM I became a fourteen year old. =) I actually feel older surprisingly... I don't think I've felt like this since I turned ten lol.
I feel more... well "mature" is NOT the right word lol. Its hard to explain, but if you were my age once or are then you'll know what I mean.
It's an exciting feeling for sure.
Yesterday was probably the best birthday I've had in a looonnng time! =D I got the greatest gifts! I got 2 books, The Last Song (Nicholas Sparks), and A Horse of Her Own (Annie Wedekind), a big stuffed horse (awesomest stuffy ever! soft and cuddly ^_^), an awesome plaid button up shirt that my aunt wanted to steal lol, New Moon DVD, and a Jacob Black "Ken" doll lol! That was a joke between me and my dad...
So far I'm really enjoying everything, I started watching New Moon last night which is why I didn't blog at all, but I didn't finish it so I'm going to watch the rest tonight. Like now actuallly, or else I'm not going to get to finish it O_O.
I had a great birthday all in all. =D
And best of all I FINALLY got the hang of "Jump then fall" By Taylor Swift and I just finished editing the video I'm going to post on youtube tomorrow after I finish school, YAY! And also I've got some chords down for "Renewed Heart", I think they were... A, E minor, and G...
And then I also started a song of my own too =) I don't exactly know what I'm going to call it yet but I barely started it... so yeah.
Guitar is really fun =D I've just made up lyrics on the fly sometimes that I never really wrote down but it was fun trying to play chords with them, I think I'm getting pretty good at playing personally. =)
Well, I gotta go, like now... I need to watch New Moon!! EE!
I'll write later!! =D
-Jazmine
I feel more... well "mature" is NOT the right word lol. Its hard to explain, but if you were my age once or are then you'll know what I mean.
It's an exciting feeling for sure.
Yesterday was probably the best birthday I've had in a looonnng time! =D I got the greatest gifts! I got 2 books, The Last Song (Nicholas Sparks), and A Horse of Her Own (Annie Wedekind), a big stuffed horse (awesomest stuffy ever! soft and cuddly ^_^), an awesome plaid button up shirt that my aunt wanted to steal lol, New Moon DVD, and a Jacob Black "Ken" doll lol! That was a joke between me and my dad...
So far I'm really enjoying everything, I started watching New Moon last night which is why I didn't blog at all, but I didn't finish it so I'm going to watch the rest tonight. Like now actuallly, or else I'm not going to get to finish it O_O.
I had a great birthday all in all. =D
And best of all I FINALLY got the hang of "Jump then fall" By Taylor Swift and I just finished editing the video I'm going to post on youtube tomorrow after I finish school, YAY! And also I've got some chords down for "Renewed Heart", I think they were... A, E minor, and G...
And then I also started a song of my own too =) I don't exactly know what I'm going to call it yet but I barely started it... so yeah.
Guitar is really fun =D I've just made up lyrics on the fly sometimes that I never really wrote down but it was fun trying to play chords with them, I think I'm getting pretty good at playing personally. =)
Well, I gotta go, like now... I need to watch New Moon!! EE!
I'll write later!! =D
-Jazmine
Friday, May 7, 2010
My Secret Life: Great ride =)
Well, I had a pretty good ride today. =)
I got my school done, and I'm completely ready for an awesome weekend. =D Tomorrow is my last day as being a thirteen year old girl! =(
I'll be fourteen on May 9, 2010 at 3:00 am PT... exactly. =)
Its SCARY!!!!!!!
I'll be in High school come August!! O_O How did this happen? I thought I was still 10 last week... lol. ;)
I'm happy to get that much closer to getting out of this hormonal express I'm on. =) But I am trying to enjoy every single moment I have as a kid... I know I'm going to miss it when I'm twenty something years old with kids maybe or something.
I figured that out when I was around twelve I think... gosh that seems like such a short time ago... ^_^
I remember the feeling I had when I was twelve and thinking how awkward it felt, I wanted not to be twelve anymore SO badly!
Now I'm a young woman though unfortunately. =P Haha.
It was great while it lasted though =) With age comes privileges and responsibility... I get to do more things as I get older which is very nice.
Anyways, enough of that mushy stuff... lol I'll probably post something tomorrow maybe if I remember. That'll be my last day being thirteen.
HBR was awesome today! =D I had a great time! I'm so glad I didn't screw up really... well I kind of made the stirrups to short but thats not really something bad... I've never ridden Dillon before so thats why.
Its hard to explain.
But it was really fun =) I got to ride Dillon for a bit, but then Corrie made us do this fun little game of switching horses lol.
She says it'll be even MORE fun once we do it trotting and cantering ahaha!
It was difficult because my legs were burning from trotting with out stirrups lol.
English is HARD! But everything is SO worth it, just spending time with the horse and everything its just all so amazing =) Especially when you get to ride...
Even if its not cantering; which I would highly prefer over trotting to be honest.
It was a lot of fun fur shizzle though. =D I know I'll probably never get a horse while I'm a kid, but hey miracles can happen, so my dad and I were talking about Redwood Acres and how it boards horses.
He asked me if I knew how much they charged for that, I said no so he was talking about how I could ride my bike up to Redwood Acres and feed, brush, and ride my horse IF I had one.
But first I've gotta get a horse, a halter, a bridle, brushes (maybe), a saddle, food... and the money of course to board it...
So yeah, horsies are expensive creatures haha.
But hey, a girl can dream. ;)
Someday I swear I will own one, or the next best thing just exercise a horse for someone... like I've said so many times before to my friends and family: I am diagnosed with 100% pure horse craziness. ;D lol
My mom is always saying that I'll have to marry a cowboy if I ever want to own a horse or two. Which in some cases yeah thats definitely true, look at my grandma; shes horse crazy and she married someone who tolerates horses. Key word there...
Well, thanks if anyone read this. =)
Have a blessed weekend!
-Jazz <3
I got my school done, and I'm completely ready for an awesome weekend. =D Tomorrow is my last day as being a thirteen year old girl! =(
I'll be fourteen on May 9, 2010 at 3:00 am PT... exactly. =)
Its SCARY!!!!!!!
I'll be in High school come August!! O_O How did this happen? I thought I was still 10 last week... lol. ;)
I'm happy to get that much closer to getting out of this hormonal express I'm on. =) But I am trying to enjoy every single moment I have as a kid... I know I'm going to miss it when I'm twenty something years old with kids maybe or something.
I figured that out when I was around twelve I think... gosh that seems like such a short time ago... ^_^
I remember the feeling I had when I was twelve and thinking how awkward it felt, I wanted not to be twelve anymore SO badly!
Now I'm a young woman though unfortunately. =P Haha.
It was great while it lasted though =) With age comes privileges and responsibility... I get to do more things as I get older which is very nice.
Anyways, enough of that mushy stuff... lol I'll probably post something tomorrow maybe if I remember. That'll be my last day being thirteen.
HBR was awesome today! =D I had a great time! I'm so glad I didn't screw up really... well I kind of made the stirrups to short but thats not really something bad... I've never ridden Dillon before so thats why.
Its hard to explain.
But it was really fun =) I got to ride Dillon for a bit, but then Corrie made us do this fun little game of switching horses lol.
She says it'll be even MORE fun once we do it trotting and cantering ahaha!
It was difficult because my legs were burning from trotting with out stirrups lol.
English is HARD! But everything is SO worth it, just spending time with the horse and everything its just all so amazing =) Especially when you get to ride...
Even if its not cantering; which I would highly prefer over trotting to be honest.
It was a lot of fun fur shizzle though. =D I know I'll probably never get a horse while I'm a kid, but hey miracles can happen, so my dad and I were talking about Redwood Acres and how it boards horses.
He asked me if I knew how much they charged for that, I said no so he was talking about how I could ride my bike up to Redwood Acres and feed, brush, and ride my horse IF I had one.
But first I've gotta get a horse, a halter, a bridle, brushes (maybe), a saddle, food... and the money of course to board it...
So yeah, horsies are expensive creatures haha.
But hey, a girl can dream. ;)
Someday I swear I will own one, or the next best thing just exercise a horse for someone... like I've said so many times before to my friends and family: I am diagnosed with 100% pure horse craziness. ;D lol
My mom is always saying that I'll have to marry a cowboy if I ever want to own a horse or two. Which in some cases yeah thats definitely true, look at my grandma; shes horse crazy and she married someone who tolerates horses. Key word there...
Well, thanks if anyone read this. =)
Have a blessed weekend!
-Jazz <3
Sunday, May 2, 2010
My Secret Life: Awesome trip with an Amazing friend ^_^
I am back from Fort Bragg!!! ^_^
I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!! =D Abby and I had a blast on the beach and riding and everything else in between!!! ^_^
Hallelujah for the fun in life! Praise the Lord!
The hotel we had was just absolutely amazing, we had beach access, and a gorgeous sunset last night. =)
First of course we got there and then we hung out at the beach for a bit, which was absolutely funtastic! XD
We almost got soaked by a wave when we went climbing on the big rocks there lol!
We took like something around over 200 pictures on the trip lolz!
Thankfully we really didn't get back that late. =) Like around... 5ish 6o'clock I think. But yeah, the beach was awesome and I think we both created some memories we won't soon forget. =)
I had a lot of fun, and I'm really glad I got to do this for my birthday party this year.... well effectively... a birthday party... sort of lol. It was a 2 person birthday party haha.
I am SO happy I got to do this bday weekend thing with her.... ^_^
This is definitely the best birthday thing I've ever had... MAN I really didn't want it to go so quick!!! =(
I miss yesterday... it was so much fun... =(
I hate that, fun days pass so quickly, yet boring days seem to pass sooo slowly...
And now because I'm super exhausted I can't really go riding with Angela tomorrow. =( Man I really want to... poohey...
Anyway, back to the trip... =)
It was so fun!!! We went to go see "The Backup Plan" with Jennifer Lopez in it.... surprisingly it was actually a pretty good movie... minus the waterbirth of one of her friends LOL. OMG that was really creepy!!!
The woman sounded like a mutant goat! LOL
Wow last night was fun... though after the movie we just kinda sat down on the bed and watched "School of Rock" for a bit... until they started dragging out the end and it started getting boring... by then it was around 1AM this morning ahaha.
Then we went to sleep and woke up the next morning and went walking on the bridge and looked down over the cliffs that overlooked the ocean by our hotel. =) That was so pretty! We got sooooo many pictures on my camera, plus the ones on mom's camera.
The pics are so funny X) I've gotta go through them all tomorrow too lol.
But they are also very beautiful too. =) We did a photo shoot at the Chandelier drivethrough tree in Leggot lol!
I love that name... Leggot... that sounds so funny to me for some reason.
It is sooo pretty there though, I mean it really is... its got this gorgeous field with these little purple flowers in them, and poppies... and african looking trees lol.
I really wanna go back there, it was a lot of fun. Especially with a friend. =D The drivethrough tree was fun haha, our van could barely fit through the hole in it lol.
Me and Abby ran across the field there and took SO many pictures... and then add those up with the other ones and its just wow.... there are so many pics lol.
I am so thankful that she was able to come with me. =) I don't think it would have been half as fun if she weren't there... which I was going to go anyway if she couldn't.
The best part was the beach... the water was sooooooo beautiful this morning!!
I think it'd be fun to do it again sometime! =D
=) Well... I should go... I wanna finish watching iCarly before I go to bed.
I'll just have you know that I definitely have just had the best birthday vacation ever with the bestest friend ever ^_^
~Jazz
I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!! =D Abby and I had a blast on the beach and riding and everything else in between!!! ^_^
Hallelujah for the fun in life! Praise the Lord!
The hotel we had was just absolutely amazing, we had beach access, and a gorgeous sunset last night. =)
First of course we got there and then we hung out at the beach for a bit, which was absolutely funtastic! XD
We almost got soaked by a wave when we went climbing on the big rocks there lol!
We took like something around over 200 pictures on the trip lolz!
Thankfully we really didn't get back that late. =) Like around... 5ish 6o'clock I think. But yeah, the beach was awesome and I think we both created some memories we won't soon forget. =)
I had a lot of fun, and I'm really glad I got to do this for my birthday party this year.... well effectively... a birthday party... sort of lol. It was a 2 person birthday party haha.
I am SO happy I got to do this bday weekend thing with her.... ^_^
This is definitely the best birthday thing I've ever had... MAN I really didn't want it to go so quick!!! =(
I miss yesterday... it was so much fun... =(
I hate that, fun days pass so quickly, yet boring days seem to pass sooo slowly...
And now because I'm super exhausted I can't really go riding with Angela tomorrow. =( Man I really want to... poohey...
Anyway, back to the trip... =)
It was so fun!!! We went to go see "The Backup Plan" with Jennifer Lopez in it.... surprisingly it was actually a pretty good movie... minus the waterbirth of one of her friends LOL. OMG that was really creepy!!!
The woman sounded like a mutant goat! LOL
Wow last night was fun... though after the movie we just kinda sat down on the bed and watched "School of Rock" for a bit... until they started dragging out the end and it started getting boring... by then it was around 1AM this morning ahaha.
Then we went to sleep and woke up the next morning and went walking on the bridge and looked down over the cliffs that overlooked the ocean by our hotel. =) That was so pretty! We got sooooo many pictures on my camera, plus the ones on mom's camera.
The pics are so funny X) I've gotta go through them all tomorrow too lol.
But they are also very beautiful too. =) We did a photo shoot at the Chandelier drivethrough tree in Leggot lol!
I love that name... Leggot... that sounds so funny to me for some reason.
It is sooo pretty there though, I mean it really is... its got this gorgeous field with these little purple flowers in them, and poppies... and african looking trees lol.
I really wanna go back there, it was a lot of fun. Especially with a friend. =D The drivethrough tree was fun haha, our van could barely fit through the hole in it lol.
Me and Abby ran across the field there and took SO many pictures... and then add those up with the other ones and its just wow.... there are so many pics lol.
I am so thankful that she was able to come with me. =) I don't think it would have been half as fun if she weren't there... which I was going to go anyway if she couldn't.
The best part was the beach... the water was sooooooo beautiful this morning!!
I think it'd be fun to do it again sometime! =D
=) Well... I should go... I wanna finish watching iCarly before I go to bed.
I'll just have you know that I definitely have just had the best birthday vacation ever with the bestest friend ever ^_^
~Jazz
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