My Secret Life: Disappointments and Fears

     Hey all, 


     I figured I should update the blog since I haven't in quite a bit. Nothing really exciting and/or happy has been going on lately I suppose, I will get to my main reason for posting in a moment, but other than my brothers and I getting the stomach flu (all gone for now PRAISE GOD!) nothing really has happened actually ha-ha. Which brings me to my point for posting; disappointments. I have two of them I'd like to talk about, and just the general subject of disappointing things. Because of me getting the stomach flu I had to miss horseback, which I'm not to happy about right now, but I look on the upside; my birthday party is this weekend and I won't miss it. =) Yay! And my second one... just the general subject of writing I suppose. There's a contest thing going on the Go Teen Writers blog by Stephanie Morrill, and I'm just disappointed quite a bit because there has been 7 contests that I've entered, and I haven't even placed 20th in a single one. It just frustrates me I guess, because you have to write the next 100 words from a writing prompt the blog author posts and send it in by a certain time; and then you place in a spot.
     Well I haven't placed in squat... 
     It makes me extremely jealous and angry that I can't seem to get my stupid writer brain to work and figure out what they want in 100 words, I was positive I was going to place 20th this time around... but I was wrong... again. Its like luck of the draw or something!
     I can't leave out too little information, and I can't cram to much information in those 100 words. I thought I did perfectly this time around, but like I said I was wrong again. This will blow off by tomorrow most likely, but it just frustrates me and makes me very disappointed in myself that I can't seem to figure out how in the world to get a perfect 100 word thing that will AT LEAST give me 20th place. That's all I want right now, 20th place. I don't think that's to much expentancy, now is it? 
     ...Which leads me to my next subject; fears. 
     That contest is making me quite fearful that I'll never be good enough unless I place somewhere on that contest, because if I can't write a decent 100 word thing... HOW in the world will I get a publisher to even take a glance at my work? It stink! Because I know I'm wrong. =( And then I question myself, and say "Should I even bother writing? Whats the point? I'm not even good enough anyway." Which in reality I'm probably not, because I'm a teen, and teens don't get published. 
     I'm feeling like this right now, and I'm trying to remind myself that I can be whoever I wanna be and nobody can stop me. And I HAVE to get 100+ rejections before I quit sending in manuscripts to publishing companies, or at least 62 rejections like J.K Rowling did. Or enough rejection letters like the author of the famous comic; Garfield had... he had enough to cover an entire room with the letters. So I'll end this ranting message with happiness...


     I am trying my hardest to look to God right now, but it is sooooo hard not to just drop it all and quit. I'm not even going to go any further with how I feel on the matter of keeping on moving on something that seems absolutely pointless if no success is going to come out of it. *sighs*
     I'm just hoping and praying that my dreams will come true one day, because I know for sure not everybody can become a successful author... not everybody can be a Stephenie Meyer who sucks at writing yet didn't even have to barely try to get into the publishing business. 
     Just gotta keep my chin up high... 


~Jazz