My Secret Life: Christmas Eve

Hey all, =) 

Well it sure has been a while since I last blogged on here... I don't know why but i just haven't really felt the need to. 
Well, whats been going on recently for me? I'm on vacation in Idaho with my family for one thing. =) And its Christmas Eve! Though I swear I haven't felt that anticipation like I have all my life for Christmas right now... =(
But I'm having an awesome vacation =D I'm really enjoying doing NO algebra!! XD lol 
And I've even gotten a lot of writing done, I'm writing a new book with my best friend Kayla. =) 
For now its called "Sports Cars and Saddles" 
Its about a guy named Joshua Phoenix who is a big time pop-star/actor, and of course he's got a bad attitude. Basically he's a complete gentlemen while on stage or on camera, but "behind the scenes" he's a complete jerk to his family and everybody else he knows.
I'll post a little blurb here at the end of this post. =)
But so far writing this book has been a blast, though we're not that far. I'm still working on the first chapter. Then Kayla's gonna do the second chapter and so on, and we're gonna give each other input and stuff. It's really fun so far! =D
Anyways, I'm reading "The Phantom Stallion" series, and I'm on the third book... well I haven't read the second one because I'm borrowing them from a friend but I LOVE THEM!!!!
I just finished the third book "Dark Sunshine" this morning. It was SO GOOD!! I don't know what Terri Farley does to make it so gripping.
But the character development is great, its got suspense, action, and so many emotions. I feel sad, or scared when Sam does... its just amazing. =D I can't remember the last time I felt like that when reading a book, I think it was Inkheart the last time I felt like that... and the other two in the trilogy; Inkspell, and Inkdeath.
I'm very critical about books, I can't read something that doesn't catch even the slightest thing of my interest. Phantom Stallion really gripps my attention and its really hard not to love the books lol, I can't find one thing about the books that I don't like.
All I know is I want to READ MORE xD And I want a horse like Zanzibar (The phantom stallion). 
I actually tried making a special name for Tipper, the horse I ride at lessons almost every week back home. And it worked. =D It seemed like he perked his ears up when I praised him with his secret name I gave him.
I call hIm Tipper and then his secret name. Or just his secret name. Or just Tippy. 
I can't wait to be at home again and ride him =) I miss him, he's fun and does pretty well with me.
Ugh I wish I could buy him, I bet I could get a great relationship with him if I spent a lot of time with him. And then I could do whatever I wanted with him and I'd keep him till the day he dies, or needs to be put down. But I also do wish I could buy an Andalusion horse...  I want a pretty horse with a long forelock and mane and tale. =) Not really long though haha.
Well I'm gonna go, I wanna get some reading and writing done. =) Ta ta! And heres the blurb...


Joshua, Josh Phoenix, a seventeen-year-old singer/songwriter/actor has let the limelight get to his already large head.
When in front of the camera, he is the all around good guy, the guy-next-door, the guy that all the dads in the world want their daughter to date.
But after all the red lights turn off... he isn't who he is said to be. And, after firing his SIXTH director for his latest music video, his managers... A.K.A his parents, take matters into their own to get their client (son) back on track.
So with no room for arguments, they ship him off to a ranch in... gulp, Copper Hills, Wyoming.
His old, small home town. Little does anyone know just how much this summer trip will not only change his life, but also the lives of the people in Copper Hills.
Especially Riley Carter's. Riley cannot stand celebrities.
Everywhere you look... they were there, just reminding you how special they were and how ordinary you are.
So, you can imagine her dismay when she finds out that her parents are taking in a delinquent teenage pop star.
Will Riley be able to show Hollywood's hottest face what a real life is? And will Josh be able to help this small town girl, regain her dreams and trust her heart to others again? 


Cool hm? I'm having fun writing it. =D
Anyway, hope ya'll have a Merry Christmas!! 


-Jazz

quick post

hey this isn't for anything particular, but I have a great verse that really made me smile. =)


"Don't be fooled by those who say such things,
for bad company corrupts good character."
--1 Corinthians 15:33, NLT

Hope that made you smile like it did for me. :) That's something that I honestly need to take to heart.

My Secret Life: What say you? That is the question.

Well its been quite a while hasn't it? 

Sorry for not blogging sooner, I left ya hanging about my vacation hah. :) 

But yeah, it was fun! And now I'm back... and its been a few weeks. haha. I added a MixPod just a few minutes ago on the sidebar on this blog, so check it out if ya want to, its got a few of my favorite songs on there so yeah...

Well, I guess the good news I have for ya is that I'm doing amazingly at horseback FINALLY. =D

My official fave horse at FOD is now Tipper! He's so much fun to ride and I love him to death! And he's so pretty too. =D

 Ain't he pretty? =] He's my baby. <3 

 We did so good on Wednesday! I was so proud of me and him that we actually kept up a GREAT lope throughout the lesson when Corrie told us to pick up one.

I still have my seat to work on, but every single week I'm improving so greatly. =D 

Last week was SUCH an immense improvement I was quietly thanking God a million trillion times for guiding me along into improving my riding skills!

And and! I bridled him by myself without anybody's help!! =D Which was just fabulous!

He gave me some crap at first and I meant to smack him for throwing his head up, but I barked at him and he listened immediately. Its amazing what a little authority and firmness in your voice can do to make a horse listen ;) lol.

Especially because they are about 5x a human's size and weight! Tipper could kill me if he wanted to, but for some reason that doesn't bother me. Its so weird, I think about it when I'm home not at the ranch, and I realize how funny it is that I'm SO comfortable around horses. They are really big and can hurt me mortally or just kill me if they wanted to.

I don't even think twice when I approach a horse, unless its being a crazy angry horse. Corrie's taught me well in the art of being around horses. =) And my mom too, but I can go up to pretty much any horse and talk in a soft voice and they just look at me, sniff my hand and then let me pet them haha.

So yeah I'm really looking forward to next week's lesson. =D I just hope I can start working there asap, I know its a couple years but hey, that is my dream job after all. ;) 

Well right now I'm kind of blanking on what I want to write about now... but! I guess I can show you a little blurb of a book idea I had and I'm going to write. =D It's called Cursed, its my version of the classic tale "Beauty and The Beast"... well... the Disney version I guess.

Its gonna be fun writing it, and plus I'm also editing TWW. Which should be AWESOME to read after I'm completely finished! Here's the little intro.

Bella Casey, almost eighteen years old, has just graduated from the top riding boarding school in the United States. Graduated top in her class and several scholarship offers to great Equine colleges around the U.S., and she finally gets to go back to her home and focus on her amazing family, and finally get to see the Casey family’s brand new ranch in her hometown of Hamilton, Montana.

After finally getting back to her new home with her family, and reuniting with old friends and facing her old stalker Ethan Myers, her friends tell her some really strange things about the part of Hamilton she’s living in. They tell her that there was supposedly an old estate there which lived the richest people in Montana for many generations, until six years ago when the eldest son living in the house had a terrible accident and then his family just left without a word and abandoned their home and their son.

Bella doesn’t believe any of it, until she was taking a ride in the late evening when she found an old dirt road with overgrown trees and brush. And then the wolves found her, and chased her farther down the road. Her horse bolted and bucked her off, after chasing her horse down, she came upon an old estate. She knew she should take shelter, so she tried to find the person that lived there.

But instead of shelter, she came face to face with a living nightmare, a horrible beast, the same rumor that she didn’t believe. Imprisoned and locked away, Bella loses all hope of ever getting out.

Unless she could somehow soften her captor’s heart, she may never see life outside the walls that imprison her; or her family again.

So, whatya think? I actually don't have a lot of it finished. I barely started this little backstory of the beast's character, it's gonna be real interesting to see how this turns out. Its kind of a modern twist I suppose, not so medievelish. 

Well ttyl! I'll try to blog sooner than 2 weeks from now haha.

-Jazmine

My Secret Life: Almost home...

Well, unfortunately my trip is almost over. =/

     But, I've still had loads of fun this weekend! =D 

     Tomorrow we'll be heading back to good ol' Humboldt. Right now, I'm sitting in my neato room I get all to myself in the hotel we're staying at currently. Its got a humongous bed! ^_^ 

     It has been so much fun going on this trip. =) 

     I wish I could've blogged more earlier than this, but I didn't get the chance, sadly. Two days ago we got to stay in this real fancy hotel with valets! =D It was so neat having them take our stuff to the room we were staying in! Our room was real nice to. =) 

     And that night after we got settled and stuff, we went to the Monteray Bay Aquarium like two blocks away. It was pretty sweet, we got to eat there and everything. Though I was a little irritated because there was little tables set up for everyone, a lot of people had to sit on the bleachers in front of the diving tank to eat their food. And plus the food sucked. 

    I hated it, there was nothing to eat at all. The best tasting thing there was the sourdough bread, now thats sad... I know its supposed to be for adults or something. But the PEG group my dad is with knows that people bring their kids, they could've put a little bit more of a choice besides dry rice and salty mashed potatoes. 

     It was annoying sure, but I loved it when the diving show started. =D That was so awesome! The fish were so beautiful too. ^_^

     And after we watched the diving show we went to go and feed the Bat Rays! That was SO much fun! The rays were so soft and slimy but so velvety, and they seemed so friendly too. They were popping their little heads out of the water near the edges looking for the food that one of the volunteers was going to handout to everybody.

     And once I got a piece of food that was so cool, one of them just swam right up to me and sucked it out from between my fingers like a vacuum. They were so friendly and fun to play with.

Yesterday though, that was even more fun! We went to see the rest of the aquarium and the fish were just so beautiful... it was truly breathtaking. =]

     My favorite part was definitely the otters. =D They were so cute swimming around being all playful lol. Otters are probably one of the most amazing creatures that God has created, I got a little stuffed otter too from the gift store. =D Its formed to be on its back and its holding a sea-star between its two paws. ^_^

     I can't wait until tomorrow either, we're going to go WALK across the GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE for the first time!!! I'm so excited! =D San Francisco is so amazing!! I'm actually considering it for a future home of mine when I'm adult. =) Its so beautiful and I love the city, its really pretty even though it is a city. I think I'd rather live in Humboldt for sure... but I really want to go out there and see the world.

     I think San Francisco is one of the places I'm going to start, possibly. I'm going to hopefully go to Central Wyoming College or something of sorts with my bestie Kayla. =) And then depending on whats going to happen after that, I'm not really sure, but I think Cali is definitely one of my places to go to college. Especially for what I want to go to college for.

     Like for an English literature degree, there is a college down south in LA I believe where part of my dad's family lives. A town near LA I think, its a really good school for Literature and stuff like that. My great aunt I believe Lydia, I think. She got a scholarship to that school in like Riverdale or something in English Literature, so thats definitely an option. =) But for sure I'm going to DEFINITELY go to college somewhere with Kayla for a couple years at least. 

     That's something I have to do no matter what, that'd be pretty awesome too. =D (Love you girlie! Hey, wanna come to Cali after Central Wyoming College and go to school with me here? lol!) 

      Well I gotta go, I need to get ready for bed, and I'd like to do something fun before I go to bed. =) Like writing...! I need to do that! I haven't written in my books in so long it seems like... =P 

Anyway TTYL! God bless!

-Jazz

My Secret Life: Almost to Monteray Bay :)

Well, this is going to be short. But I thought I'd update real fast.
Gotta go to bed soon anyway...
Well first of all, horseback is... better. My feet didn't fall out of the stirrups yesterday while loping, and I did a double lessons lol.
And I'm considering asking Corrie in a month or so if there is a chance I could get into the class before mine, I like that one a heck of a lot more than my class I'm normally in. I wasn't babied until I finally gave up bc Tipper was being a butt and jerking his head around while I was trying to bridle him. 
Plus I don't ride him that often... so that doesn't help.
Buuut anyway, I'm on a small weekend vacation right now to Monteray Bay. :) Its so far pretty fun, I got to swim in the pool at our hotel with my brothers, and eat some yummy pizza with my family.
So yeah I had a pretty good day. :) For now I guess I'm just gonna let all my worries go away, and hopefully just enjoy the trip..... though I kinda need to upload my pictures, I don't have that much room left on my camera chip. Ugh :P 
Well I'll ttyl! I'll write tomorrow when we're at the hotel. :D


-Jazzy

My Secret Life: Well, I haven't posted in a while...

Well howdy hay. =) 

     Life hasn't been too exciting per se. But I had a great time at youth group last week, it was really uplifting. Three girls Abby, Kristen, and Liauna, we all prayed with each other and I felt... well I guess loved lol.
     It was the greatest Thursday night ever. =] I felt so spiritual and bubbly after that! I wanted to give everyone a big hug! lol
     I guess that night was very revalutionary for me. =D I think I finally took another big step into getting out of this ditch of feeling like I'm stupid, weird, and don't matter to anyone. 
     However, I am still dealing with that "friend" problem. 
     Its not that big of a deal anymore I suppose. But I still think about it from time to time, but I honestly think that I need to just completely make God my "bff" even though that is an insane desire for me. Before I get my best friend... one that lives in the range of McKinleyville, Eureka, and Arcata... instead of in Minnesota or Oregon. ugh :P
     That irritates me to no prevail.
     I'll stop complaining now though lol. Tonight is spa night at Bri's! yay! 
     So yeah, I think I'm going to really turn around now. I'm working really hard to get closer to God, I just really need to get rid of that annoying desire completely. Or however much God wants me to get rid of. 
      I'm actually having a fire to get closer to Him as of last Thursday. =) I want to build up my strength so when trials come I'll take them with strength and run into His arms! 
     Well I gotta go, I still have my Spanish homework to do. So ta ta for now! =D 


-Jazmine 


--
Psalm 61

Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer. 
From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

For You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. 

For You, O God, have heard my vows; you have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name. You will prolong the king's life, His years as many generations. He shall abide before god forever. Oh, prepare mercy and truth, which may preserve him! 

So I will sing praise to your name forever, that I may daily perform my vows.

--

Psalm 62:5-7

My soul, wait silently for god alone, for my expectation is from Him. He is only my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; i shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The Rock of my strength, and my refuge is in God. 

My Secret Life: Life is a rollercoaster...

Life really is a rollercoaster... =/ Sometimes I wish I could get off of it, but that's not really an option unfortunately.

So hi, its been a while since I blogged. Sort of... 
But yeah, this is going to be short. I still have school to get to haha, and I'm going to a Labor day BBQ tonight for dinner. Sooo yeah...
My life pretty crazy right now, idk even really what to do with myself half the time. I try to distract myself from all the awful thoughts that are in my head a lot about friend issues... but of course that usually doesn't work. Satan always finds a way back into my head... I hate that dirtbag...
The only thing that I really enjoy during the week is horseback I guess... okay now I'm rambling on. SO I'm going to stop now... maybe call my friend Leah if shes home.
bye..

-Jazmine 

My Secret Life: Pretty exciting day I'd say...

Well... the title is pretty self explanitory... haha.
Today I did my freshmen photoshoot thingy-ma-bobber... and then not to long after I got home my computer died. (NOT JOKING)
Pretty crazy right? 
So yeah... all of my books, pictures... everything is still on my other computer's hardrive. And why I say "other" computer is because I'm right now blogging on my brand spanking new HP computer... :) I guess some good came out of this, even though all my stories are unaccessible, and if the computer place mom is going to take my computer to can't get my stories off I'm going to hurt someone...
Anyway the photo-shoot thingy was super fun. :D I'm kinda worried they won't turn out good or something, but I'm also very confident that they will haha. It's just me and my weird paranoia personality I guess. =/ 
But yeah it was a lot of fun, :) I guess I'm just kinda worried and I thought of a bunch of poses after I left heh... and I suppose I kind of want to take some neat pics with Bailey or Buddy. Preferably Bailey... 
Anyway I gtg, ttyl!'


-Jazz

My Secret Life: Wow... publishing... scary... O_O

Okay so just... wow... I'm really almost terrified of sending my book to a real agent publishing company or whatever, now.
Its amazing how long a fellow author (Stephanie Morrill) said it took her to get her first book published. She had to be so persistant, I mean I really want to get "The World Within" published, but now that I think about it. I almost want to go and rewrite it now lol.
I'm so afraid of several things that would be screwy and too suckish to send to an agent... I guess I just have to wait until Shannon gets the whole thing back to me... I've got butterflies in my stomach now. 
But wow, do you know how AMAZING that would be if I actually got a book published before I graduated High school!!??! =D
Now hopefully it would be "The World Within", because I swear none of my books are like that one, I'm not half as satisified with any of my other books as this one. Well the finished ones I mean... haha.
Me and my friend Kayla are on a mission, we're going to get our books published someday whether or not 1,000 agents hate them. :P I don't plan on giving up, but I don't know if I'll be able to handle all the disappointment that most likely will come with it all.
You can't publish a book- unless I am raw talent, which I doubt I am- without disappointment along the way. I just really hope it doesn't take me 5 years... lol. 


-Jazz

P.S.
Oh! Btw!! I'm doing a photoshoot tomorrow =D It's for my freshmen year photo's... well its not a "photoshoot" but I'm getting fancy pretty pictures for my freshmen year. :D haha. And its not in a studio either, it's going to be at piano lessons for the boys lol!!

My Secret Life: Quick update

Okay, quick update here... 

I'm feeling better than I did last night. :) And now I'm going to go to dinner with my fam, HOPEFULLY my grandparents and my family from down south is coming. But I'm still unsure about that... 
And then I'm going to a Weird Al Concert. :D Let's hope its as funny as I hope it is... OH and I'm going to be in a drama class this Thursday! yay! :D 

Anyway, ttyl! I'll blog tomorrow maybe, if I have something to write about. 


-Jazzy


Philippians 4:4-5
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say rejoice! 
Let your gentleness be known to all men the Lord is at hand.

My Secret Life: Life is a rollercoaster

Well, 

Shockingly I didn't wait that long before blogging again hah. 
Well right now, I'm half and half happy and sad at the same time. Well, more like happy and semi hurt/jealous... idk how to describe it. But! I'm not going to go into detail.
Anyways, I'm having fun playing my horse game "Let's Ride: Riding Star"... except its really difficult to a point. 
And yeah... wow this is sad... I'm blogging about a video game... 
I guess the only cool thing I have to blog about is that I'm in on my second day power-walking down my street... oh boy. =/ I'm exciting. Excuse the depressing text, I'm a little out-of-whack and wishing I lived in another town close to the one I live in.
Well... today was pretty good, I'm a little irritated that my family from southern California is "fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants" type and so I haven't gotten to see them at all. 
I have writers block... I'm sad... okay I'm gonna stop now. 

-Jazmine

P.S.
Sorry for the depressing blog post... my day was just ruined by just one thing I read on facebook.

My Secret Life: Short but quick blog update

Hey, :) 

Well, this is going to be quick. But I realized I hadn't blogged in quite a while, and from my last blog post. No I didn't unfortunately go and help out with the horses with Mistea. :/
But I did get to ride horsies, :). This week and the last! So that's awesome!
And I'm in love with my boyfriend Bailey. ^_^ (He's a horse haha)
And I'm also very much in love with my horsie game I have, I FINALLY figured it out. And now I have both a dressage horse named Benji, and a show jumping horse named Bailey. :D 
They are both gorg-eous! Benji is an amazing chestnut horse with a blondie offwhite mane and tail, and a blaze down his nose. And Bailey looks like my boy Bailey, a cherry roan color with a black mane and tail and a stripe on his nose and little white socks.
Wait... Bailey doesn't have socks, haha oops sorry. He has a brownish color for socks. 
Anyway, I'm happy right now. :) 
I just finished watching "Remember Me" with Robert Pattinson. I definitely have a changed opinion about that man for sure, but holy moly... O_O You would not believe what kind of twist they made in it! I was NOT expecting that! I mean usually I can tell its coming while I'm watching it... like I have a small hunch or something. But WHOA, it just went BOOM suddenly up in front of me.
There wasn't even a hint of it in the trailers! 
But the best way I can describe it without giving away the twist, (for those of you who have seen Terabithia and Premonition) its another Terabithia movie. Not in the same theme of the movie I mean, but the way it ends is what I mean.
Anyway, I gtg! But I'll blog again soon for sure. 
My new goal for this week; exercise schedule... lets see if I can even get off my lazy butt and do it haha. 

-Jazz


--
1 Peter 5:7 
"Casting all your cares upon Him for He cares for you."

My Secret Life: long time no blogging :)

Well... it sure has been a long time since I last posted anything. :) 


It is August, as you can tell by the date of this haha. And its a Tuesday... at 5:18... as you can see I am very bored. lol. BUT... I am excited! :D 
Because tomorrow I get to go ride the horsies at Field of Dreams, yay! x) And maybe even this weekend, which I'm 90% positive it'll happen, I'm gonna get to help take care of Angela's horses with my friend Mistea. :) For 3 whole days!
It's gonna be sooo fun... I just hope she gets my text soon, but I suppose there probably isn't cell service at North Coast Bible camp where she is right now hm.
So yeah, I'm in a horsie mood right now haha. And kind of sad for a girl that died 2 years ago on February 6th, 2008. :( She had the most amazing bond with her horse Boomer! She could stand on his back on one foot and pull her leg up into one of those ballet poses! 
Her name was Jessica, her youtube user name is JessicaBoomer. She was an absolutely amazing rider... I'm surprised I never found her until now.
It made me sad to know how she died. :( She had an accident while jumping bareback, they think they both went over the arena fence and he crushed her head basically she died before anyone found her.
And she was only fourteen! O_O
That does make me a little scared to jump, but that still won't stop me from riding for sure. Oh yeah... that brings me to another subject.
Alder Grove has decided not to pay for HBR anymore... for insurance reasons. Because horses are "dangerous", which yeah they are. But that whole reason why they are cutting that, is because people are WAY to sue happy in this country. And everyone thinks money will solve the problem... which in some cases it does, but not horse related things. 
I honestly highly doubt anyone came and rode at Field of Dreams just for extra curricular activity, so many of the girls I ride with love the horses they ride so much. I see them hugging them and kissing the horses' faces a lot.
And I have that same love... oohhh man that would make me soo happy if I had my own horse to ride. So yeah, that's pretty dumb if you ask me. But I can definitely understand that, I just feel so bad for everyone who can't ride without the funds from the charter school.
And I'm kinda worried for Abby because she said she might not be able to afford it without Mattole (another charter school) school funds. eehh...
Sooo yeah... well I forgot I still had a book to read before I started blogging. So I'll write again before the month is out for sure! ttyl! bye!


-Jazz

My Secret Life: moved into new house and a little sad

Well, I'm moved into the new house. That was fast huh?
I wasn't exactly here for the actual move though, I was on a trip with my youth group to Ruth Lake. Mom and dad moved everything into the house on Saturday... and yeah a lot of things happened since the last time I wrote.
One; the move. And then my bro Dyllan broke a tiny bit of his foot kicking something at Karate. And then I went on a youth trip thing which was very fun. :) 
But, right now... I'm dizzy. Why? I have vertigo. The suckiest thing I could get on HBR day... I can't exactly stay on the horse very well while I'm dizzy, huh? 
So yeah... I'm a little irritated and upset right now. I'm trying to keep my happiness, but its hard. I'm still dizzy right now, and I've been dizzy since I woke up this morning.
But thankfully its not as bad as some cases I've had.
Mom says its because I'm not going to bed on time, which is probably true. I suppose I could have a low immune system right now, I was stressed last night and I went to bed at almost 11. And then I didn't go to bed until midnight 1 o'clock all weekend while I was on the trip, what did you expect? It was a vacation.
And I couldn't go to bed at 9 I'd miss all the fun. 
So yeah, I'm a little irritated and sad. Especially because I didn't get to ride last week because of a freaking stomach ache! >:(
I just wish I wouldn't get sick every week like this!! I probably won't even have horseback next month... :( Well, depending on what happens to dad's pay, it pretty much revolves around that. But I might be able to have at least August for riding, I have $52 saved, if anything I want to spend that on horseback. That's more important to me than anything that I could buy in a store.
I might have 2 classes next week... I hope... I'm probably going to be a completely grump this weekend because of this. I miss riding more than I could say with words right now... now just imagine what would happen if I couldn't ride anymore for months...


-Jazmine

My Secret Life: Writing is more than just words...

     Well, its been a couple days since I last blogged... 
     Nothing really amazing has been going on lately, same old... still looking for a house. Which you can't expect anything immediately. We're still packing, my room is nice and clean though. :) And thank you mommy... heh. 
     And I've got a cool looking guitar to borrow for a few months from my dad's co-worker who is going to fix my guitar's fret board and replace the strings I hope. (AND a case to go with it :D lol) 
     I want to steal the guitar and keep it... its so pretty and perfect for me ;D.
     But yeah... and other than that I'm thinking right now of what I want to do writing wise with my books...
     I'm tempted to start another book, which I will possibly just write a plot out so I can get it out of my head, tonight. Its probably going to be something about werewolves... well really just gigantic normal looking wolves... 
     I'm really into wolves for some reason. 
     And I am really wanting to write in something right now... I'm definitely going to write out some sort of plot for another book tonight. I can't get these two characters out of my head... and its going to be a romance book of sorts... ;) 
     That's the one thing I truly love about writing, and why I love it; its just so much fun... and writing is just so much more than the words you read in a book. You've got to look beyond the words and see the trees blowing in the wind... see the horses galloping... hear the eagles cry.
     It's so beautiful if you look and listen hard enough. :) I can hear every breath my characters breathe when I'm writing. And I get quite emotional when I have to do something bad in the book to them.
     I can feel the pain they are in... which is really quite amazing to feel that... its really hard to explain unless your an author. But its so amazing when you start writing, you feel like your walking along and you actually feel the wind in your hair and face. 
     And like I said... I can't really describe it with words. You'd have to experience that for yourself, but if you love reading that's the closest thing you can get to that. The only difference is you don't have a greater emotional attachment to the characters than the author does.
     Being able to read opens up a whole nother world as well... words are like the water you want when your dying of thirst. Once you feel it on your tongue and go down your throat, your whole view on the world changes forever... 

                  -Jazz 

P.S.
Excuse the book sense to this blogpost... lol. 
Its hard for me not to make it look like that sometimes, I put it in my head to describe things constantly and I can't get rid of it. ;)

My secret life: ...wow I'm not liking life right now...

     Well... 

     Title pretty much what's up.
     I'm just really worried about the future of where we are going to live next month... how packing is going to be... etc...
     And now I'm getting that awful jealous feeling again. Isn't that just lovely? 
     This would all be fixed if I had a best friend... but alas I don't. But I want to know WHY I keep thinking about this!! :( 
     I don't WANT to think about it, and I don't honestly care right now! 
     This is... just not the time to be thinking about that crap. I mean I've gotta move in 58 days, and I still have to pack my room up and start cleaning it... which will be a big pain.
I'm not really like crying worried about moving anymore, I've accepted that fact. 
     There is nothing I can do.
     But its still stressful, especially about the future. But its really weird because I can't get myself so worked up about it that I cry like I normally do... 
     And the same thing with my "friend" problem if you want to call it that.Though right now I'm thoroughly upset about my "friend" problem... 
     aaaaahhhhhh.... make it stop.... X(
     I don't get why this is such a big deal for me! I don't want to think about this but I can't help it! It's like somethings forcing me to think about it... oh my gosh this is irritating the heck out of me...
     Well, at least I'm up a step from this; I'm not crying... that's an up. :) hehe...=/
     I guess tomorrow will be better... I hope...


                 -Jazmine

My Secret Life: Falling apart ='(

I am terrified right now... my whole life is being thrown out of balance... =(
First back in March my dad told me that he was in danger of being paid minumum wage in August... and now... the owner of our house we're renting, he's decided that he wants our house as a summer home for HIMSELF. ='( Does that jerk even know what the state is going through?! Either that or he doesn't care... I'm so scared.... 
Our house is being taken away from us, and we have 60 days to move! I've accepted that we're gonna move... but August is 2 months away!
And I'm really scared that dad's gonna have minumum wage pay, I am so upset... and so scared... I've come to the conclusion that the owner has no heart whatsoever. I thought he was just going to move back her to LIVE here. But A SUMMER HOME!!! 
How could he do that?! He can live with out a summer home! He should have a summer home where it's sunny, this place is never sunny. FAR away from here! Like in Africa! Where he'd take a boat and get caught in a storm and drown at the bottom of the ocean and rot!
I had respect for him wanting to move back here and live here before I knew he wanted to use this place as a summer home!!!!!!! ='( ='( ='(
I hope he gets deathly ill and falls down a cliff breaking his neck... no person with a heart, or even just a brain would be so cruel and mean! And I thought I'd come in contact with people like this only in my books and books I read. 
Well, I'm going to stop writing. So, I guess I'll update this through the long cold journey of hell...

My Secret Life: Irritated

     Well, right now I am extremely irritated with my father. 

     He's being all "worried" about my health because I sit on my butt all day HE thinks, its not MY fault I don't have no one to hang out with! Its not MY fault I'm not up out and running around constantly because my mom actually WANTS to homeschool me and let me do my schoolwork instead of running around all day! UGH!!!!! He makes me so angry sometimes!
     And then he's also not here at all during the week, so how does he know I don't get up? Which I DO get up. I get up and dance to my music on my iPod, I get up to go to the bathroom, eat, take a break... walk around the house. I can name probably ten more things of what I get up for.
     >:( He irritates me sometimes.
     Now him and mom are arguing because he wants her to calculate and actually time me for how long I sit at my desk until I get up........... do you realize how OCD that is?? 
     I don't even sit at my desk for 2 hours straight!!! I get up after probably 20 or 45 minutes! 
     Unless I'm really procrasinating and I'm doing my school at 4o'clock in the evening I don't stay at my desk for that long... geezes.
     
     Well, I guess I'll move on to other things. I didn't really do much today... my brother, dad, and grandpa got back from Nascar this afternoon. And then I hung out with my friends/neighbors Nicole and Whitnee. So that was fun. =) Especially because Nicole made me laugh alot haha.
     And it was beautifullly sunny yet again. :) Which I am very happy about. I'm waiting for dark clouds to come back and pour down on Humboldt though lol.
     Yeah... things are better now I have to say. I'm a lot happier, and I guess things are just a lot brighter. I don't know what it is but something's changed in my life. I think maybe I just hit a level of maturity, I've really honestly stopped dwelling on depressing facts and tried to focus on other things, like music. :D And summer... and writing... and horses!! 
      Oh! And midnight showing of Eclipse!! I am SO SO SO SO SO excited for that!!! XD 
      I'm gonna go see it with my friends Michaela, Abby, and Caprice! :D
     But theres still some issues that need to be worked out heh... I'm still really hopeful that it'll work out though. :) And then also getting the tickets and everything... I am BEYOND anxious about getting them. Because I know what a wide and humungous phenomenon it is.
     And how many really big fans and diehards there are in the 3 biggest cities I live near and in alone.
     eeehhh.... O_O Gosh I hope I can get tickets for all of us... X( That would SUCK if I couldn't get them!! Idk when I would be able to go out with my friends to the movie in July now that I think about it... youth group is doing all sorts of stuff this summer. 
     Well, I'm gonna go. :) bye!


                                                        -Jazz

My Secret Life: Mixed feelings

     The title is pretty self explanetory. =) 
     And then also on a side note right now I'm shivering because there is a spider crawling on my wall and I'm trying to figure out how to catch it...EWWW!!! I hate spiders!!! (and its big!)

     Sooo... yeah... anyway; life's been rough, as usual... not that anyone said it would be easy right? heh. =/
     Wednesday horseback was better than I expected. =] And I'm definitely looking forward to next week. I really hope I get to ride Laredo or something, I miss riding him and Bailey.... but someone was on Laredo and Bailey the lesson before mine.
     But riding Buddy was fun anyway. =] He's got a great canter/lope. 
     Soo yeah, and onto today. Well, the subject of the day is how I am either deluding myself into thinking this or something else... buut... basically I don't like the fact that I don't have a best friend to sum it up. Not that it's anything new... =/
     I hate sounding like a spoiled brat but I'm not! I am SO not a spoiled brat! I just feel so empty inside... its really hard to explain without someone being in my body and feeling what I'm feeling. I hardly even understand what I feel, the only thing I know is that I want to grow up and grow up fast so I can get out of this hell hole.
     My friend who I will not name says she cares about me but I have a really really really difficult time believing it.
     Now, either I am telling myself lies... but I honestly have doubts about our "friendship" if you want to call it that.
     UGH...
     Anyone who tells me they wish they could go back to fourteen I'm gonna punch them. 
     *sighs* 
     I really need to start reading my Lies young women believe book... idk even know why I'm waiting for my youth group to start something not for another month.... but yet I want to do it with people my age... 
     I guess I could handle it, I take it as a good sign that I didn't break down crying last night. I was actually pretty happy, I had fun figuring out what sound Kangaroos make and making a new language called Kangarooin with Mistea lol. 
     Its *snortsnort*chewchew*, i just said "hello" in Kangarooin lol!
     So I think I'll definitely go back next week, I don't see why not, even though I forgot a lot of stuff that Danny taught because my brain shut down because I was so exhausted from trying to go to sleep at 10 and not falling asleep until 11:15 at night.
     There was also a lockin, which I did not stay for because I was so tired to... =/ The hard floor didn't agree with me in my opinion. I would probably stay if I had a foam pad thingy to sleep on.
     Two of them.
     And sooo... besides that, I finally found some great words to make into my song. Basically about what I'm going through right now... I put a bulk of it down on paper earlier this afternoon... so yeah, today I have mixed feelings about everything.
     And I'm gonna go get ready for bed now so I can finish watching Blind Side, so... I'll write tomorrow if I feel like it. bye.


-Jazzy

My Secret Life: Another day...

     What do you know? I'm blogging again! =)
     Ugh... but man am I beyond bored right now... I need more zest in my life! I'm tired of being at home all the time... =p Phooey, well at least starting tomorrow I'll be out doing things instead of sitting at home all day. I want to do something exciting for once... =/
     Annnnd... I'm just a tidbit nervous about horseback tomorrow. But I guess that's normal, but what's really annoying is I'm nervous almost every week on Wednesday. I'm wondering if Kaela is going to be there tomorrow, this is going to sound terrible, but I kinda hope she isn't. I like Kaela and all, but she is kind of a jerk sometimes if she's not in a good mood.
     But then it could be just me, and then also she treats me like crap unfortunately because I was the only kid in my class... well not really. But when she's in not such a good mood she treats me not as good as she treats the other people, but then also they don't screw up like I do.
     But I'm getting better!
     AH! I'm so nervous that I won't be able to do the sinch thingy right!! =( I really hope I can have the guts enough to say; "can you please check my sinch I'm not sure if its tight enough?"
     I'm way to nervous... =/ I really wish I could get rid of that part of my personality. =(
    
     Sooo yeah...
     Other than that my cat Annabelle caught a bird today... brought it in the house... I felt so bad for that poor little thing. It was mangled though, I think it was a baby but it didn't look like it. My dad found a nest in the bushes out in our front yard when he was trimming them and thankfully caught it. Though he made the parents angry. lol
     And then later on our neighbor Ronja found one of the baby birds on the ground, I guess they can't fly yet. And I'm betting that Annabelle probably caught it when it was on the ground most likely. I think the bird that she caught was a white crowned sparrow, but I don't know that for sure... it could have been a female bird or something... but the bird didn't have a white head like white crowned sparrows do.
     Uhhh... so yeah... that's pretty much all I've got to write today.
     I keep saying I'm going to write more songs, but I've never actually sat down to do that haha. Well, I'm going to go... I still have some reading to do for school.

                                         
                                                  -Jazz

My Secret Life: Taking it day by day.

     Well... I don't know what I'm really blogging about right now. To be honest my life isn't too exciting right now...
     But, I thought I'd try. =) I don't really have anything much to say... *sighs*
     Well... I guess first off my horseback lesson has changed to Wednesdays and to a High school group. I haven't been to that class yet, and I'm kinda nervous... =/ I'm worried I won't be able to keep up with them because Corrie says they're a little more advanced than I am... ugh... well I guess I shouldn't have to worry about anything.
     I was doing a makeup class in a much more advanced class than I was, and now I know how to canter and I can handle pretty much all of the horses there... well the ones that I've ridden lol.
     I guess what I'm really only worried about is the girth... I'm afraid I won't be able to get it tight enough heh. Well, we'll see how it goes on Wednesday... I just hope to God they put me on Bailey, Laredo, Brownie, or Kobe!
     More so on the ones I just listed minus Brownie... Brownie's stubborn lol. I still don't have the hang of him, and plus I don't ride him literally barely ever.
     The ones I ride the most are Bailey and Laredo. Mostly Laredo though...
     Bailey & Laredo are my favorite boys there, I can't think of anything I don't like about either of them that would make one of them more of my favorite than the other one. But then Laredo also tries to bite me when I am tightening his girth... well he just get's angry lol. Not so much biting...
     I think it'll go well. =) I don't see why it wouldn't... unless something goes terribly wrong. And Corrie has faith that I am a good enough rider that I can handle something like that, and be able to ride good enough to keep up with the rest of them... I think I could use a bit of a challenge personally. I just reallllllyyy hope I can get the girth tight enough... because if I can't that will mean me falling off... =/
     Well, I'm gonna go. I gotta go get ready for bed.


                            -Jazmine

My Secret Life: Pictures page added! + update on my life

Hey! I added some pictures, if you look its kind of faded but there is a "My Snapshots" link thingy below the title page of my blog.
I added some awesome pictures from my Fort Bragg trip... =)

Annnd... as for life for me right now... not so sure. Its a roller coaster for one thing heh. =/
Trying to keep my focus on Him and not on the hurtful pains of this suckish teenage life I'm having right now.
It seems like almost every time I turn around I get hurt... it honestly sucks. I get all nice and normal happy, and then SMACK!!!! Satan: "HAHAH!!!"
It's hurtful!
I'm trying to fix my problems by being more socialble... since that is actually one of my worst problems and why I'm having so much trouble and being ignored all the time.
Its tough... but I guess I'm just taking it day by day. Even though I feel like I want to just remove myself from all human contact forever at times...
Sometimes I really honestly wonder if anyone would notice I was gone off facebook and youth group... besides a couple people that I know would notice. But the majority of the people at youth group/facebook is what I mean.
Soooo yeah... well I'm gonna go fold some laundry now.
ta ta... idk if I will write again anytime soon considering I have really nothing positive or happy to say at all right now. I'm still healing because of my major depression dive yesterday...
bye.

-Jazmine

My Secret Life: Lonely and pathetic

     So yeah... life right now is pretty suckish... =(

     I HATE MY PERSONALITY!!! ='(
     I SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK at making friends! And PLUS everyone at youth group seems to think I don't mind watching them invite people to go do something briefly and not me with them, its like they are maliciously doing it just to make me cry and hate them.
     Everytime I say something like "Hi" they usually just walk off or something or not really say anything else... not to mention I don't know what else to say so that doesn't help.
     I TRY to make friends but nothing works... they all look at me weird except for Abby, Caprice, and Mistea.... maybe not Mistea but I never talk to any of them.
     But I'm seriously fed up with all this crap...
     None of them but the people I just said seem to want to treat me like everyone else, they don't ever say anything to me and when I say something to them they look at me and then don't say anything but "hi" back or something. And then go back to their conversation... its like they hate me or something.
    I know Sarah does because first she gets all angry at me because I commented on something on facebook, and then I caught her texting someone saying that I was there at the lock-in at our church with the youth group, and then she removes me from her friends list on facebook.
     Youth group is a suckish, painful, and depressing place for me now. I seriously am considering not going back to that place ever again... none of those people seem to even like me. Or even notice me for that matter...
     I've really honestly given up on making friends a long time ago since no one even cares that I exist anyways except for adults... but thats adults. The ones with out hormonal imbalances...
     I want to move to Minnesota where I'll actually have someone that likes me, but alas I am stuck in the depressing waistland of Humboldt where all the teenagers are a bunch of jerks who ignore the shy little ones...
    How bad all of this has been effecting me; I have given up on making any sort of friends from here on out, I highly even doubt I'll have friends or even meet anyone when I'm adult... so yeah... life is depressing and useless.
    Sometimes I wonder why I'm not in heaven right now, no I'm not going to kill myself.
    But I just don't get if God loves us, why make us go through all of this? AHHHH!!!!! ='(