The Things We Want

Hi again!

Yes, this is my first post in a long-long time. I am making plans to get back on track and post at least once a week on my blog about writerly things. I think it would be good for me.
Anyway, about what I wanted to write this post for... this is something that's been on my heart lately as I've been praying about things in my life. There are many things we want in life: a wonderful job, someone to fall in love with, best friends, a great family, a new car, a million bucks. I could go on with that list but it would be lengthy, to say the least. If we bring that list into more of a writerly realm, it would include things like: more books to read, to be on the New York Times bestseller list, to have your job BE writing, and most of all have people love the stories you so laboriously put together.
Well, for me, it's been a great struggle to see people around me who I know like me as a person have great fun with their friends, yet, I don't really have as many as they do. Or more to the point, I don't have that "core" group of friends to hang out with like many people around me do. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out at college Bible group with all the lovely people there and the other places I go where I meet people. But there as never been a group of people where I've connected with them and we become that "group of friends".
I am BEYOND thankful for the amazing friends I consider sisters to myself, but their lives don't ever intersect all that often and it's not that "group of friends". If you haven't noticed yet, I really want to have that "group of friends". I've been clawing at the wall of despair because I don't have an answer to why no core group of people have ever connected with me where it's stayed that way for a long time. There have definitely been times in the past where there have been short bursts of a "group of friends", but more often than not we've grown up and grown apart, or they've moved away to another city a hundred or more miles away.
Part of it could be me, blocking myself subconsciously because of my insecurities with my age or any other thing. Even though my age does not matter when it comes down to it, I always find myself at the top of the group age wise and not really connecting with any particular person just because we're in a different stage in life... or I find myself the baby of the people I'm around. This has been the case recently, even though I know in my heart that age does not matter, and it shouldn't.

I've been very seriously praying to God asking questions of "WHY?!" mostly. Over the past few months it seems I've been getting the recurring message of "Be thankful for the blessings you have, stop yearning for something you think you need, look to Me and follow. I will provide for you."
There is also another thing I wrote down just as a note to myself... "I need to stop looking for relationships I think I need and open my heart to God instead." What's funny is that just now something occurred to me as I was typing: my best friend came into my life long before my insecurities about friendships came to the surface. A good few years before... yet she's the closest thing I have to a sister. ( You know who you are girlie! )
That in itself has just proved itself in this moment to be a testimony to myself and to anyone reading that God provides what we truly need. When He provides he does not fail, and does it in his timing, and far beyond our expectations.
The friend I wrote about a moment ago is proof of that, she's become my closest of friends over the past 7 years (WOW! That's a long time! Awesome!) I've known her. All of that despite the fact she lives 2,092 miles away from me (I counted girl, oh yes I did... google helped a little haha).


So, whether you are upset because you haven't made your WIP novel the perfect draft ready for publishing, or if you haven't gotten published yet, or you're just dealing with life issues of any kind at all... I hope this encourages you.
I thought I would share my experiences and the things I've discovered over these past months. Things can be extremely frustrating, but God will provide and the struggle with reach the peak eventually and the thing you were getting to will finally come. If not that thing, then something equally (or more likely, greater) awesome.

Love,

Jazmine

P.S.
I'll be trying to blog post more frequently. We will see how that goes with my second semester of college coming up. Not making any promises "etched in stone". Haha.