So yeah... life right now is pretty suckish... =(
I HATE MY PERSONALITY!!! ='(
I SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK at making friends! And PLUS everyone at youth group seems to think I don't mind watching them invite people to go do something briefly and not me with them, its like they are maliciously doing it just to make me cry and hate them.
Everytime I say something like "Hi" they usually just walk off or something or not really say anything else... not to mention I don't know what else to say so that doesn't help.
I TRY to make friends but nothing works... they all look at me weird except for Abby, Caprice, and Mistea.... maybe not Mistea but I never talk to any of them.
But I'm seriously fed up with all this crap...
None of them but the people I just said seem to want to treat me like everyone else, they don't ever say anything to me and when I say something to them they look at me and then don't say anything but "hi" back or something. And then go back to their conversation... its like they hate me or something.
I know Sarah does because first she gets all angry at me because I commented on something on facebook, and then I caught her texting someone saying that I was there at the lock-in at our church with the youth group, and then she removes me from her friends list on facebook.
Youth group is a suckish, painful, and depressing place for me now. I seriously am considering not going back to that place ever again... none of those people seem to even like me. Or even notice me for that matter...
I've really honestly given up on making friends a long time ago since no one even cares that I exist anyways except for adults... but thats adults. The ones with out hormonal imbalances...
I want to move to Minnesota where I'll actually have someone that likes me, but alas I am stuck in the depressing waistland of Humboldt where all the teenagers are a bunch of jerks who ignore the shy little ones...
How bad all of this has been effecting me; I have given up on making any sort of friends from here on out, I highly even doubt I'll have friends or even meet anyone when I'm adult... so yeah... life is depressing and useless.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm not in heaven right now, no I'm not going to kill myself.
But I just don't get if God loves us, why make us go through all of this? AHHHH!!!!! ='(
Writer, crazy horse girl, artist, musician, stage actress, sister, daughter, and follower of Jesus Christ... Passion and love are my everything
Oh Jaz...
ReplyDeleteI feel so, so horrible for you! My heart aches everytime you post about something hard you're going through.
Please, please remember that you will always, always have two friends. 1. God, and 2... me.
I'm praying for you everyday girl! Just remember, God and I think you are totally amazing.
Also remember, God never gives us anything that he won't get us through, and that we cannot handle with him by our sides.
Oh Jazzy girl! You need to keep your eyes on God and focus on the things that you do have, instead of what you don't have. Putting yourself into this depression is not going to help, and thinking that no one actually likes you and doesn't want to be around you won't help either. Look to God, be in his word, Look at what you do have, a family that loves you, friends that do care about you ( abby, kayla, mel). And I do know that the girls at youth group care, they just don't know it yet, be more assertive, possitive, and seem happy and excited about God and the others will wonder why you are always so happy and talk to you.
ReplyDeleteI am always here for you, even though I am your mom, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, not all 14 yr. old girls have a mom who loves them so much and takes them out to the movies in their jammies. :)
I love you sweety and don't go to heaven yet, I need you hear with me.
Love mommy